There are nights when I am drinking wine, listening to Zoe play the cello while doing yoga on the floor in my long johns those are the nights that I wish was a ballerina, but it has been warned that it is best that I am not, because I would be full of myself and have a eating disorder. So I resign to the presence of reality: I take care of people when they are ill, I study the propaganda of a liberal college all the while trying to live more then I work. I whisper to the ants and shout death threats at the mice…well at least I did a few weeks ago. Two fatalities have since been which has temporary satiated my appetite to kill all the four legged ballsie creatures that use to run across my kitchen floor and wake me up in the night.

A few days later:
Lhasa died 5 fays ago
she was 37
breast cancer.
And today I find myself
a bit altered by that fact,
altered that this time last year I did not know
the weather.
Whether the tumor in my breast was cancerous or not
for almost 4 months
tick
tick
tick
February Sixth
I had surgery and somewhere between then and the
eleventh not the seventh day did the Lord say it was good.

I heard of Lhasa's death 2 days ago and today she is with me,
she is singing from my kitchen as all the beautiful of the night do.
No 1 else is here and I feel lonely,
you are at work and today I had fantasies
And you, where are you, you are with your sister
drinking red wine.
And I am here on the floor again
doing yoga, drinking red wine, trying to enjoy
my solitude once again
as I so often do, yet
Tonight I wan a Companion
outside my Mind.