I practice yoga, eat healthy, run many miles each week
I exercise my body in health and in wellness,
I am disciplined in spirit in pursuit of 'the along'
the process

I strive, I pray, I meditate, I even go to church sometimes,
I read those seen as holy bodies, and beings
in attempt that I might be ripe for transformation when it comes my way
I work hard, in vulnerability and failure to live a compassionate life,
I love well, so I am told,
I love resiliently,
I love again and again

I open my house and my heart to strangers, acquaintances
and like a fool to my enemies
I give so much some years that I come out like a bruise reed
and a smoldering wick
though I am renewed each spring
by elements beyond my understanding

I smoke cigarettes, drink often-enough,
I get high sometimes,
I swear, I sleep, make love, fuck and have sex
with men, women, and those in between and outside,
they are who I love, who see my goodness,
who see my unhealed hurt and grief
with pride of knowing me

Here is to living a life of contradiction,
here is to holding the tension of conflict
here is to holding the complexities of
the human pursuit of ones own truth
To the holding of us being and not being
all that we are and ever will be,
all that we are not and never will be

For God knows the holy have done more evil
than evil could ever hope to do through those
deemed, determined and convicted as
guilty, bad, dark, sinful, evil

So when you pray for me and see those prayers
'working' know that you are likely 'right'
though the product will likely look anything but what you expected
or deem as success

So if you want to love me
love me out of your mind,
in ways that don't make sense,
for 'We know not how to pray'