(class)
effect, a theory which is the sensitive dependence on initial
conditions, where a small trigger-- of a biochemical reaction pattern,
or more superficially, an emotion-- in a deterministic nonlinear system
can result in large “abnormal” or “crazy” reaction in a later state and
or situation.
today i cried over ketchup
ketchup no long in bottles,
ketchup no longer in plenty
today i cried over ketchup
condiment of poor –
ketchup
i wanted some good clean meat
elk. like what we had growing up in the mountains.
now i find i am losing my appetite and crying over
the class effect of ketchup
ketchup.
ketchup dressed up in Pearls.
little (fucking) fancy silver
not-too-much (fucking) container
(singular)
ketchup.
earlier, as i drove my friends borrowed car,
i drove in the appearance of money, as i drove through
a neighborhood, traditionally red lined, and was followed by teen eyes
i clinched the shame i felt inside, when they looked through the windshield
i felt their eyes on my internalized class shame call Imposter!
i lowered my eyes, drove on,
only to park at the foot of homeless youths tuppence containers
i wanted to tell you
i tried to tell you
about how i felt about barbara moving in
and i broke down over (fucking) ketchup
how i feel about barbara moving in is
embarrassed—
the-dry-wall-is-cracking.
the-trim-ain’t done. the-east-wall ain’t-sided-to-match-the-rest.
i-don’t-have-a-shower-curtain.
the-back-forty-is-covered-in-moldy-dump-shit. like the way white trash keep it.
you-have-to-be-careful-in-the-room-you-move-into-don’t-walk-in-the-NW-corner-you-may-fall-through.
the-shower-leaks. the-floor-is-only-held-by-grout.
the-back-door-don’t-shut-unless-you-dead-bolt-it.
the-front-door-handle-doesn’t-turn.
leave-your-door-open-otherwise-heat-won’t-get-in. i eat ketchup…a lot—
embarrassed
but most of all
i feel shame ---
so i duck and turn my head,
lose my appetite for
what and where i came from,
and cry over ketchup served
in the Pearl District
in a fancy silver not-too-much
ketchup container.
where are the bottles?
