(class) effect, a theory which is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions, where a small trigger-- of a biochemical reaction pattern, or more superficially, an emotion-- in a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large “abnormal” or “crazy” reaction in a later state and or situation.

today i cried over ketchup

ketchup no long in bottles,

ketchup no longer in plenty

today i cried over ketchup

condiment of poor –

ketchup

i wanted some good clean meat

elk. like what we had growing up in the mountains.

now i find i am losing my appetite and crying over

the class effect of  ketchup

ketchup.

ketchup dressed up in Pearls.

little (fucking) fancy silver

not-too-much (fucking) container

(singular)

ketchup.

earlier, as i drove my friends borrowed car,

i drove in the appearance of money, as i drove through

a neighborhood, traditionally red lined, and was followed by teen eyes

i clinched the shame i felt inside, when they looked through the windshield

i felt their eyes on my internalized class shame call Imposter!

i lowered my eyes, drove on,

only to park at the foot of homeless youths tuppence containers

i wanted to tell you

i tried to tell you

about how i felt about barbara moving in

and i broke down over (fucking) ketchup

how i feel about barbara moving in is

embarrassed—

the-dry-wall-is-cracking. the-trim-ain’t done. the-east-wall ain’t-sided-to-match-the-rest. i-don’t-have-a-shower-curtain. the-back-forty-is-covered-in-moldy-dump-shit. like the way white trash keep it. you-have-to-be-careful-in-the-room-you-move-into-don’t-walk-in-the-NW-corner-you-may-fall-through. the-shower-leaks. the-floor-is-only-held-by-grout. the-back-door-don’t-shut-unless-you-dead-bolt-it. the-front-door-handle-doesn’t-turn. leave-your-door-open-otherwise-heat-won’t-get-in. i eat ketchup…a lot—

embarrassed

but most of all

i feel shame ---

so i duck and turn my head,

lose my appetite for

what  and where i came from,

and cry over ketchup served

in the Pearl District

in a fancy silver not-too-much

ketchup container.

where are the bottles?